There were the highs of pure fandom ecstasy, the kind when our boys in blue ran rampant over defenses in the late 90's. There were the lows of absolute frustration, the kind when watching the futility of the 2009 season when losses piled up like leaves on an autumn day.
What scares me is, now, only four games into 2013, I'm experiencing an entirely new emotion: apathy. AP Photo / Tom Gannam
Before the season, the excitement was palpable of a newly improved offense and an edgy, under-the-radar defense. There were million dollar signings of a left tackle that would block out the sun and a tight end who could run like a wide receiver. There were draft picks of a linebacker that could contain the new read option craze and a diminutive receiver that could dance around the field like a water bug skimming across a pond.
I was caught up, feeling that the Rams had finally turned the corner, especially after a resilient win against the Cardinals.
There was hope even against the Falcons with a late comeback attempt, but the Cowboys game and the 49ers game have reintroduced the harsh reality that despite new names and faces, the Rams are once again a doormat.
Normally, I'd be mad as hell, ripping everyone from the staff on down to the 53rd man on the roster.
But Thursday night, I finally hit the wall. I've followed this team to the depths too many times, been sold the snake oil on one too many occasions. It was easier when I had more time to rebound from losses in college and high school, but work and more important concerns are occupying the space reserved for digesting Rams football.
I'm growing tired of being sold excitement in the spring and summer, only to find nothing but disappointment and underachievement in the fall and winter.
My bitterness and anger has been replaced with complacency, which in turn is making me question whether this in the end is all worth the trouble.
I realize I'm not alone, we've all slogged through the bad times just for a few and far between good times. However, this time I'm closer than I ever wanted to be to truly considering what the end game of following this team really is.
Sure, next week, I'll probably put on my jersey, hope for the best and give it one more go for the olden days.
I'm just not sure how much resiliency I have left.
Brennan Smith is a longtime RamsHerd.com writer and graduate of journalism school who is now working at the Salt Lake Tribune. Follow @brennanjsmith
