I was knocked down on gameday when my football fever turned into an actual fever, so my upper bowl ticket turned into a planking on the couch when the Rams kicked off. And so, I missed when the Ram Rules were broadcast into the stadium.
Now I know we Rams fans have been flagrantly guilty of bad behavior — first and foremost, not showing up — over the last few years. But I had no idea that we had fallen into the “differently abled” category of fandom, to where we need help with these simple concepts of game attendance. It makes me wonder what else we might need help with.
If you have purchased a ticket, you can use it to gain admittance to the stadium. I know your first impulse might be to give it to a fan of the opposing team, but please don’t.
When the man comes around yelling “Bud Light!” he actually has beer for sale. You can give him money for it. And you should, because taking beer without paying for it is wrong.
Believe it or not, the “cap dance” shell game on the video board is not the only game going on. You are encouraged to watch the action on the field as well.
When our team puts the ball in the other team’s “end zone,” that’s a good thing. It’s called a “touchdown” and we get points for that. I know we’ve confused you with all these rules about when to cheer and when not to, but in this case it’s okay. If you have questions, you can always ask your neighbor, unless they’re wearing one of the other team’s jerseys.
I’m sure the Rams meant well, and wanted to reward their hardcore fans with some face time with this tongue-in-cheek educational video, but whatever subtlety, irony, and dry humor were implied were drowned out by the weight of embarrassment, both of the fans in attendance and the team on the field. (One wonders what the Eagles players made of this farce, and how much of a hard time they gave the Rams about it.)
Move over, “Ram It.” We have a new winner in the “most embarrassing Rams video” category. Maybe. Okay, it’s actually pretty close.