The few worthy names in the free agent pile have quickly disappeared off the boards, snapped up like fat tourists in a shark tank. Nate Burleson, top FA wide receiver? Signed to Drew Bennett money. Julius Peppers? The Bears offered a Scrooge McDuck-esque swimming pool full of cash. Personal favorite Aaron Kampman? After a whirlwind tour of cities (some visited and others just rumored), he lands in Jacksonville teal.
Meanwhile, Billy Devaney and Kevin Demoff are puttering around the back alleys of the NFL in a rust-orange pickup with plywood sides, looking for treasure among other teams’ trash.
“Look here! Can you believe somebody would let AJ Feeley just sit out here in the elements like this? Hell, we could put him right in our living room.”
“Don’t look now, pard, but I see a couple of big dudes struggling to get Fred Robbins to the curb. Whattya say we go over and help ’em out, maybe they cut us a deal?”
“We ain’t got room in the truck to pick up no Fred Robbins!”
“Well, just toss out that Derek Fine we picked up two weeks ago. He ain’t in such good shape.”
Meanwhile, Rams fans take up the part of the long-frustrated wife, looking at the ever-growing accumulation of fixer-uppers and could-bes and just shaking her head. “Please tell me at least you’re going to make room for some of this junk, right? When are you going to dump this beat up old Bulger already? It’s just sitting here looking pathetic, and it totally clashes with my Kurt Warner art on the walls.”
I guess if there’s one consolation here, it’s that they apparently aren’t interested in buying the same junk twice.
The fine photos in this piece are from a funny little book called “50 Sad Chairs” by Bill Keaggy, a collection of photos taken in and around the back alleys of St Louis.